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It has been a long week in the news business. All sorts of things you thought could never happen did in fact happen and then vice versa. A whole lot of predictions failed to materialize. The big theme of the week, as usual, was lying.
There was an extraordinary amount of lying. At this point, the people in charge seem like they tell the truth only by accident. Occasionally, somebody in power will say something true and as swiftly punished for it. Can’t have that. It’s infuriating to watch, but it’s also, if you look at it right, very amusing.
These are not sophisticated deceptions. This is not Dwight Eisenhower stealthily planning D-Day. This is your 5-year-old ambling in with frosting on his face to tell you we never touch the birthday cake. Should that make you mad? Of course, it should make you mad, but if you’re human, you will also laugh at it. Cake? What cake? It’s hilarious. The kid has no idea how ridiculous he is. So, with that spirit in mind, we’re going to devote the next hour to a special presentation on lying in American politics. We’re going to do our best to stay amused, because that’s much better than being angry
And we’re going to start with what could be the funniest lie of the year. Vladimir Putin blew up Russia’s natural gas pipeline to Europe. Now, why would Putin do something like that? Well, they told us, because he’s evil. Putin is so evil that he murdered his own country’s economy purely for the dark thrill of doing it. That’s evil. It takes a bad man to declare war against himself. Next, Putin will be invading Moscow.
That was their story, the story the Biden administration told us and then every single news organization in the country, with no exceptions at all, backed up the lie. Of course, Putin did it, they lectured us. Don’t ask questions, or you’re a Russian agent. There was, for a moment, a perfectly united front of falsehood on the question of what happened to Nord Stream, but it wasn’t enough. The story was too absurd to stand, even by the standards of 2023.
Anyone, we thought about it for even a moment, realized that of course Vladimir Putin didn’t blow up his own pipeline. Why would he do that? The Biden administration blew up Vladimir Putin’s pipeline. Of course, Joe Biden himself had promised on camera that he would do it and then Biden officials publicly celebrated after it happened. So. every rational person knew the truth. After a few months, the people who lie for a living decided to make up a news story. Unfortunately, this one was even dumber and less believable.
OK, they conceded Putin didn’t do it. That was wrong, we’ll admit it was not Putin who blew up the pipeline. It was the Ukrainians, but not the Ukrainians. You’re familiar with the ones who are getting billions of American tax dollars every month. No, no, no. Not our Ukrainian friends. They would never do that.
It was Ukrainians we’ve never met. It was rogue Ukrainians acting against Russia, but with no connection to the Biden administration whatsoever. These are good people fighting for a noble cause, but doing it entirely on their own without our assistance or knowledge. That’s what The New York Times told us actually happened, and then everybody swallowed it. Watch CNN.
REPORTER: In a separate but parallel story, we’ve been learning more, Kate, about the Nord Stream attack. You remember the Nord Stream pipeline back in September saw an explosion, a sabotage effort, but it is the subject of an ongoing investigation by German authorities. According to The New York Times report, they say that they believe that, according to sources, it may have been perpetrated by a group aligned with the aims of Kyiv, but not actually backed by Kyiv, not run by Kyiv, an independent group acting on its behalf and in its name.
Totally independent. Now, imagine if you found yourself repeating something that ridiculous on television. Here you have an explosion, a three part explosion that was part of a deep sea operation in the Baltic Sea, 300 feet underwater, that happened at exactly the moment that NATO war games are going on in the area, so you would think that there was probably some involvement from a military somewhere.
But no, says the lady on the TV, repeating The New York Times, it was a shadowy, unnamed group of totally independent Ukrainians who happened to live in a country that the Biden administration runs and whose pensions are being paid for by you. Right. Totally independent. Does anyone really believe that, as a single human being, including the hair hats repeating it, actually believe that?
No. And that’s the thing about so many of these lies. You don’t believe them, but you’re not special. Nobody believes them. Even the people repeating the and nowhere is that more true than on the question of the climate emergency. Here’s the climate emergency.
PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN: That’s what climate change is about. It is literally, not figuratively, a clear and present danger. The latest climate report nothing less than, “code red for humanity.” We say it again, Code red for humanity.
You can buy that or not and by the way, a lot of good people, some smart people, people of good faith do believe that and that’s okay, but do the people telling you that believe it? Does Joe Biden actually think that climate change is “code red for humanity”?
Well, don’t listen to what he says. Watch what he does. This week, Biden spoke to Canada’s Prime minister, Justin Trudeau, about how terrifying this climate emergency is, but he didn’t talk to Trudeau on Zoom. No. Instead, he flew on a private airplane to the capital of Canada, Ottawa, where he and Justin Trudeau drove around the city in a 20-vehicle convoy, complete with ambulances and armored vehicles.
Now, if you are concerned about climate change being driven by humans and the burning of fossil fuels which produce carbon dioxide, you probably wouldn’t behave like that. You probably get on the phone and talk about climate change, but they didn’t. and none of the global warming experts who were telling you that your Suburban is a sin said a word about it. In fact, they were busy lecturing you about the rest: your woodstove, your gas stove.
You remember in January, the gas stove ban was a conspiracy theory. Anyone who is worried about the government cracking down on their kitchen was a nutcase, a Ruby Ridge level wacko. The Republic reported back then “People are getting real heated over a gas stove ban that isn’t happening.” Note in. Appreciate the pun.
That’s always the first move. You’re imagining it, crazy person. Then we move forward a couple of months and the conspiracy theory is actually, it’s true and if you disagree with it, you’re a wacko. This is from Politico, a political blog in Arlington, Virginia, yesterday: “New York nears deal to ban gas stoves in new homes.” So, they say something. If you take it seriously, it’s your fault because it’s not true and then they tell you that, in fact, it is true and if you don’t agree with it, you’re a criminal.
You see this a lot. You’re told something. You’re required to believe something that’s clearly false and if you don’t go along with it, you’re banned from social media and harassed and maybe you can’t use Airbnb and maybe if you keep talking, JPMorgan cancels your bank account and then once you submit, they admit. Actually, yeah, you’re right. Now you’ve seen this on a lot of different topics, but you never saw it more clearly at a more sustained pace than over the three years of COVID. Remember they told you, of course you remember, because they told you every day this was a pandemic of the unvaccinated.
DR. ANTHONY FAUCI: It is, as we’ve said, a pandemic and an outbreak of the unvaccinated.
DR. ROCHELLE WALENSKY: This is becoming a pandemic of the unvaccinated.
JEN PSAKI: As Dr. Walensky said on an earlier briefing today, this is really becoming a pandemic of the unvaccinated.
BIDEN: Still a long way to go. The fact is this has been a pandemic of the unvaccinated.
Yeah. So, we’re going to use this global pandemic, which was a legitimate health threat to push our political goals and to vilify and isolate and punish with law enforcement people who didn’t vote for us.
If you’re trying to convince people to fear doctors and never go to the doctor again, this is exactly what you would do and of course, that’s the effect for millions of people. Faith in our medical system has evaporated because of their lying and of course, one other line, because the vaccine is started getting COVID at a higher rate than people who exercised and eat well and maybe develop natural immunity. So, in the face of that undeniable science, they have to change their talking points.
But for some reason, nobody told Senator Tina Smith of Minnesota to update her talking points. So, here she was on Tuesday of this week assuring everyone, in the words of the advertisements, this medicine is safe and effective.
REP. SMITH: Thank you, Mr. Menzel, for being with us today. So, I want to start by just saying that the COVID-19 vaccine is safe and effective.
All right. How is that different from the Nicene Creed? You just repeat it every week, you don’t think about what it means. You just repeat the slogans. It’s literally a liturgy, safe and effective. Really? A shot that gives young people heart inflammation will help protect them from COVID? That’s safe and effective?
All this level of lying does is make people cynical, not simply about the people in charge who have every reason to be cynical about them, but about words themselves. Is there a connection between a word and a physical, observable reality? I’m not sure anymore. Karine Jean-Pierre at The White House has never even thought about that or much. Here she is confronted with the evidence that the Biden family took a seven-figure payout from China. Watch carefully, maybe for the first time in your life to how she responds.
PETER DOOCY: House Oversight says they’ve got bank records showing a Chinese energy company paying three Biden family members through a third party. What were they paid for?
KARINE JEAN-PIERRE: Look, I’m just not going to respond to that from here. Look, we have heard from House Republicans for years and years and years how the inaccuracies and lies when it comes to this issue and I don’t even know where to begin to even answer that question, because, again, it’s been lies and lies and inaccuracy for the past couple of years and I’m just not going to get into it from here.
Yeah, just not getting it. Here’s some bank records. Here are some numbers on paper that no one disputes are real. What do you say to this? Republicans, lies, years out there.
You’re sopping wet. The water seems to be coming from the sky. Is it raining? Lies. Lies.
Of course. That’s the response. They always accuse you of exactly what they themselves are doing. Remember when they told you that John Fetterman was totally qualified to be a senator and he had no debilitating mental issues whatsoever? In fact, he’s way sharper than you are. Shut up, Dumbo. Whatever happened to John Fetterman, by the way? Where is he, supposed to be serving in the U.S. Senate?
Can someone take a picture of him holding up today’s paper so we can be certain? Karine Jean-Pierre doesn’t care. Republicans lie. It’s been years.
And of course, she has to say that because she does not want to get into the details about what her own boss, the president of the United States, is saying, who really seems and will concede in a very amusing way, utterly disconnected from reality. he began his campaign, you probably remember, right around 2019 from telling us how he liberated Nelson Mandela from Robben Island, from a prison in South Africa and it’s just gotten more florid from there.
and we are absolutely determined to be amused by Joe Biden. So, here he is telling you that, during Selma, he was actually at the forefront of civil rights. He may have been on the Edmund Pettus Bridge. Watch this.
BIDEN: I was a student up north in the civil rights movement. I remember feeling how guilty I was. I wasn’t here. How can we all be up there and you going through what you went through? I can still picture the troopers with batons and wands and whips.
Can you even imagine what Joe Biden’s actual racial attitudes were in 1963 in Delaware? This is the same Joe Biden who told us he was in the car with his dad 60 years ago and talked to two men in downtown Wilmington kissing each other and his father said, “Joe, you’ve got to support gay marriage.” So, there’s something almost metaphysical going on here. You have people who believe if they say something, it will become true. Their words will create reality itself.
Wow. That’s the same standard, by the way, that the Biden administration seems to be applying to what’s happening to the former president and to children and gender ideology. They want you to believe that 8-year-old boys can become women overnight just by wishing for it this way. Kamala Harris just sent a letter praising a man dressed as a woman. That’s why she goes around yapping about her pronouns. We can’t resist this clip. It’s too great.
KAMALA HARRIS: I am Kamala Harris. My pronouns are she and her. I’m a woman sitting at the table wearing a blue suit.
So, we’re not going to say anything snarky about that. That’s just so great and if there’s one piece of video evidence that we can save and the time capsule inside all of our hearts to represent what it was like to live in this country in 2023, is that right there, Kamala Harris. She/her are my pronouns, and I’m wearing a pantsuit. Yes, you are.